On April 2, 2009, I decided I wanted a divorce. Two weeks later, April 22nd, I told my then husband. We filed in May and by June 26th, 2009, we were officially divorced. I call that my "freedom day" and celebrate or acknowledge it every year. It's more of a celebration of finding my voice and becoming the woman that I am today.
|Circa 2009 working on my MBA at my parents' property in IL. Loved that summer!|
So what even spurred this blog post to begin with...and on here for that matter, was realizing moments ago that this upcoming week, this Thursday...marks 7 years divorced. And in my true fashion, I'm reflecting. I look back at that young woman with pride. And I look at her slightly disappointed. I am proud of what I've done and who I've become. I look around my home and see kids toys, pictures, and two dogs waiting for the baby to drop food. I smile at the small things that make me happy.
I did not envision the life I'm living now 7 years ago. For starters, I thought the rest of my days would be lived out in St. Louis. Atlanta was not on my radar. I am so happy I took that leap of faith and moved here though...One of the best decisions I've ever made. Now I do envision the rest of my life in the metro Atlanta area. But realistically, I could move anywhere as long as it meant mild winters and sunshine.
A year after my divorce, June 26th, 2010, I graduated with my MBA. I am super proud of that. It has served me well. Back then, I was tired and burned out. Now, I'm tired and burned out working on my PhD. The difference is that I have way more schooling to go before I finish. And to be quite honest, I'm not sure how I'll pull the strength to keep going another 4 years, but I know I will and that I have to.
|At a brewery in Grafton, IL June 26th, celebrating my MBA. Mom made my favorite lemon and chocolate cake.|
Seven years ago, I was starting my career. Now I'm midway through and proud of every accomplishment.I love what I do even more now. It's helped shape who I am. After all, I am the Smiling Marketress. My career goals have changed. My vision has changed and molded to the life I think I'll live in the future.
And what's helped me grow the most are my relationships. I surely thought I would be married already. I did almost got married...several times. Thank God that didn't happen. I made some really stupid choices with men over the years. Although I am thankful for each man that I have had the pleasure of getting to know because each of them taught me important lessons and helped me realize exactly who I want in my life. Am I with someone now? Yes. I care very deeply for him, although I'm deathly afraid. I'll be very candid. I love deeply and give my heart to someone gladly if they have my "must haves." But over the years, I've developed this fear of being hurt, so although it seems like I'm "all in", it's more like big toe is in and I have one eye open, one eye closed as I move forward on tip toes. I will run the minute I think I'm going to get hurt. I don't want to feel that anymore. I keep moving foward, praying for the best. And until this amazing man who is the Mr. Keeper of My Heart for now reads this, he probably doesn't realize how many times I almost ran. But things have changed a bit. A previous relationship left me with this amazing little boy who has the most the angelic blue eyes. I can't keep running because I need and want to give him a family. And yes, I want that forever love. I'm pretty confident I can have it. And Mr. Keeper of My Heart will have my heart for now.
Before the divorce, I was okay with the statusquo. I wasn't nearly as ambitious as I am now. I was okay living the same life as other Midwesterners. Go to college. Get a job. Have babies. Work a 9-5 job. There is definitely nothing wrong with that. But something inside of me wanted more. And more is what I'm living now. I'm more outgoing, more free spirited and open minded than I was back then. I'm far more expressive and more my true self . I dance randomly and bake for the office just because. I sing while I'm grocery shopping and speak my mind more than I ever did back then. June 26, 2009 was more than just the end of my marriage. It was the ignition of the amazing life I was meant to live.
By the way, I'm barely on here. You can keep up on Facebook or Smiling Marketress Mama. Later loves.